My, my, my. How much time we've missed. A solid 2+ months. I get so wrapped up in summer- in going out, running myself rugged seeing and talking and spending time with the people I miss so much during the year when I'm busy. So I can't really say I'm mad at myself for neglecting my blog so much-- I've been living, having a fun time. How could I ever regret that?
In a brief summary- Bonnaroo was amazing. My week out West was amazing. My return home since that week has been a little crazy, but I'm certainly not complaining and have enjoyed losing myself to the madness of things.
But now it's nearing the end of August. My car inspection is due this month. I need to figure out the whole class situation (which will be updated as soon as I figure it out) so by September I should be falling into a nice grove. So that's MY update on my personal life, now onto the real blogging, the topic that has finally led me to this very page on this very day!
friendship
a concept so simple, so pure, something we're all so eager to find to preserve because best friends happen all the time, but great friends aren't so easy to come by, aren't always sticking around. I feel confident that the very people I call my best friends, that I surround myself with, I do this because they are also GREAT friends. We all learn and grow and get so much from each other, no matter how big or small it is it's still something, another reason why I appreciate those in my life so much. My friends do a really amazing job at being there for me when I need it, even when I'm not being so open about needing anything. I find relaxation in the people I open up to, spend my time with.
self
I worry about myo wn self sometimes, though. I struggle to be a person who isn't struggling. To go with things and let it happens how it's supposed to-- whatever will be, will e! But sometimes I get uneasy about that feeling, like I'm just not doing enough to influence my own life, that maybe I should be taking more of a hands-on approach maybe I should continue to grow more assertive, more blunt, more vocal about my current issues or needs-- begin to seek for a stronger sense of self gratification. Reap the benefits, all that crap. And in thinking all of this I second guess myself, too. I see that really great benefits, they'll come in time. If I'm working at a pace that will stress me out and working at a pace that involves a more mellow me, am I not still working?Is my original goal, where I aim to be, what I aim to solve and accomplish-- it'll all still be there. And there'll be a happier, refreshed version of me in the end to enjoy it all. So I'm working on that. On not being stressed out when I don't feel stress. On accepting things for what they are, that I am taking steps, that I am a strong individual. I will make it, I can do it, all that cliche bullshit-- even in the most confident of people it needs to be repeated sometimes. Just last year I had to engage myself in an exercise-- look into the mirror and say "you are beautiful, you are worth it, and you are doing the best that you can". And as stupid as it sounds there were days I couldn't bear to look at myself, to say those words, let alone believe those ideas. That notion that even I, some burnt out college chick, could be worth it-- worth anything pre-degree. And it's such a contrast to me now, where friends sometimes joke I'm conceited, but its anything but. I've begun to recognize myself as a beautiful woman, brimming over with worth and value, and not only say these to myself in the mirror, but really live and breathe and accept these unto myself, as who I Am. There are days when I just really love myself. And if some want to tag me as arrogant, by all means- let them feel free to do what they want. I'm happy. with myself. and my placement. sometimes I wish I knew the future, where all of these things are taking me-- but I'm confident that all the answers will come to me in time. And time is something we all have plenty of. Time is something that moves universal for every person, no matter how we occupy ourselves during the day, the week, the year. There will always be 60 seconds in a minute and 7 days in one week./ And there is only so much we can each do with that. It takes a lot more strength to simply be ok with that, but there is a much bigger payoff because of it...
bottom line: i'll get there. and oh yea, welcome back to the blogging world, once again! =D
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